commitment phobias

Commitment phobia is the fear and avoidance of having to commit to anything, but especially relationships. Commitment phobia can express itself in all kinds of different ways, but typically sufferers may exhibit being overly critical of the other partner in the relationship, and/or the relationship as a whole; plus annoying / hurting the other person, thus sabotaging the relationship, even if it’s considered to be working well. An example of this, might be consistently turning up late for things – whether with apologetic excuses, or not. Additionally, commitment phobia can show itself by being scared of getting noticed, because the other person might want to start a relationship. In fact, they'll often reject other people from the word go, so that a relationship barely gets off the starting blocks. The feeling behind this, can be to protect themselves from even the prospect of allowing others’ to get too close.

At the other end of the scale of commitment phobia, an individual may be flirtatious and appear to want the attentions of other interested parties, desiring even a longer-term physical relationship. However, eventually the fear can, and often does, win out and the other person gets pushed away, leaving broken hearts in its wake. Someone with commitment phobia will often fall in love with other people who just aren’t interested in forming an intimate relationship. The reasoning behind this can be that the commitment phobic has, (deliberately, or otherwise), chosen a person who can’t/won’t, form a lasting relationship, and so they are ‘safe’ from having to make that long-term commitment. There is also those with commitment phobia who enter a relationship, can’t commit, then leaves at some point, only to return sometime later, before leaving yet again. This yo-yoing can happen time and time again leaving hurt, bewilderment and distrust behind. Relationships aside, there are those with commitment phobia which lead to the avoidance of having to commit to anything; such as jobs, tasks and timekeeping.

The causes of commitment phobia can be many and varied, but often it starts in childhood, and can sometimes be associated with a loss, or trauma, of some kind, possibly parental separation, divorce, or bereavement. Another possibility of someone developing commitment phobia is that the child might have witnessed, or been a victim of, poor role models, or even abusive relationships during those formative years. Not surprisingly, this can (consciously, or unconsciously) colour the way they feel and take part in relationships as an adult, too. Often, at the root of the commitment phobia will be a fear of loss, or rejection, by others. The subconscious feels, that if it happened once before, it could happen again. To avoid this pain, there will be some kind of distancing from others, in order to 'protect' themselves and to keep some semblance of control; thus the intensification of the commitment phobia.